


if only i could

by myscribblingquill



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Politics, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Minor Violence, Secrets, Spy!Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 03:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myscribblingquill/pseuds/myscribblingquill
Summary: The life of a political campaign consultant is not always glamarous but when Jessika Pava meets Rey at donor event work becomes the least important thing in her life. That's until Rey disappears under a cloak of mystery leaving Jess with nothing more than a broken heart and a hoard of questions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago but I've decied to post because it's been sat in my gdocs for long enough that there's dust collecting on it as I've been slowly attempting to edit it! Enjoy!

It’s a bad idea.

Jess knows it’s a bad idea as soon as the other woman wraps her arms around Jess’s waist and swings them onto the dance floor. She just can’t bring herself to stop. The soft music and swirling of their dresses makes Jess want to melt away. Her floor length red dress swisses slightly against Rey’s blue one as they brush against each other.

The dance is gentle and slow, when it finishes Jess really shouldn’t be out of breath. But she’s having to control her breathing a little.

Rey leads them off to the side. Jess can see Poe and Kare surreptitiously watching from the sidelines. 

“Sorry about the dancing,” Rey says with a smile.

Jess has to tilt her head a little to look at her properly. Rey’s heels are higher than Jess’ so she’s not too sure about their actual height difference. She can get away with heels, but she doesn’t like too high ones, otherwise she feels like she’s walking on stilts. It doesn’t seem to bother Rey, who has just waltzed them around while wearing four inch black stilettos.

“Don’t worry, I like dancing,” Jess smiles back. “And you’re quite good at it.”

It occurs to her that they’re now the other side of the room to where they started. Rey has managed to get them there without having to force their way through the crowd. It’s quieter over here. Perhaps because of the lack of food, or maybe it’s because of the more scandalous nature of the politicians gathered there.

Being surrounded by people with murky pasts doesn’t bother Jess. It’s all part of her job. As part of Senator Organa’s research team she’s used to brushing shoulders with all sorts of people. She just wishes that it brings her into contact with more people like Rey in the future. The people who have a history of exploiting those around them are the ones she wishes she could avoid, but they tend to infect political environments like a plague.

“So you’re part of Organa’s new team on...” Jess lets the sentence hang in the air. Everyone has been closed-lip on the new team that’s been created.There are hundreds of rumours flying around about what they’ve been brought in for. Most of them are ridiculous, the only one that rings true is about her son. But then maybe that’s because Jess knows more about Ben Solo’s recent deeds than most.

Rey doesn’t answer the question. She nods, and makes a small sound of agreement. Almost as if she isn’t paying attention.

Jess noticed that she was very focused on the far side of the room before their dance, but she brushed it off, more interested in the Rey than the other people around them. Now her attention is fixed. Jess can’t help but feel a little slighted that she’s spent ten minutes dancing with someone who is more interested in staring at other people than looking at her.

“We’re looking into the-” Rey breaks off, her head snapping around as her eyes narrow at a man in a suit, of which there are many and Rey can’t seem to make up her mind which one she really wants to be scowling at. 

“Rey?”

Her attention returns to Jess, and she drops her eyes with a small shuffle of shame. “I’m helping out on the Scheduling Team. Only small things running errands, collating calendars,” Rey laughs and her cheeks flush. “I don’t have much experience but it’s a foot in the door.”

“Oh, I thought you were with the new team,” Jess says, “Didn’t I see you chatting with one of them the other day?” As the new people in the office they tended to get noticed more, not just in the gossip circles - that Jess accidentally overheard - but because Jess had found her attention drawn to Rey since she’d started.

Rey nods. The vein in her neck bobs as she swallows, and Jess has to force her attention back to listening instead of staring at the expanse of Rey’s neck. 

“We had our inductions together, and they all get just as lost as I do,” Rey’s posture suddenly relaxes. She doesn’t slump against Jess, or sigh but the agitated restlessness is gone. Jess glances around the room but she can’t spot any changes. It all looks like it did thirty seconds ago, people milling about making small talk and promises that they’re going to have to be pestered into keeping. 

They make small talk as people who barely know each other do, to try to know each other, as if it can be done in one conversation. They quickly find some common ground, not too much that Jess feels like she’s talking to her reflection but enough that any lulls in their conversation aren’t awkward. 

Over their conversation they’ve both been drifting closer to each other. Not that they were far apart to start with. When they’d finished their dance Jess had reluctantly let her hands drop from Rey’s waist. She couldn’t stop thinking about putting her hands back there at the swells of Rey’s hips and pulling her closer until all she breathes in is Rey. Jess’ thought shouldn’t be travelling in  _ that _ direction when she’s at a work event. She doesn’t make much effort to stop them though. She’s perfectly capable of multitasking. Besides, she reasons, she’s talking to Rey not schmoozing a donor. Her thoughts can be a little less focused. 

For once Jess is thoroughly enjoying a fundraising party. She hadn’t thought it possible. Every other one she’d attended, there had always been a rich donor that needs flattering or a stuffy old hall that has too many people crammed in. The only thing that makes them bearable are copious amounts of alcohol, and hanging with Kare and Snap while they quietly poke fun at everyone. This time, she doesn’t want the night to end. 

It’s the same as every other party. Mostly the same people, the same decor, the same reason but Jess is perfectly happy to stay by Rey’s side, talking of their favourite cars and laughing about the absurdity of some of the clothes that people think are acceptable to wear.

From what Jess can tell, Rey is enjoying it too. It’s her first official Organa fundraiser, and Jess is glad that she’s smiling and not having to wheeled money out of anyone, even if that’s what she should be doing. Jess can tell she’s a little distracted though, her eyes keep darting all over the hall. Asesseing, scanning, looking for someone that she hasn’t been able to spot. 

She doesn’t seem nervous. Jess is used to calming down nervous people. She’s become adept at spotting shaking hands and brow sweats from across a room. It’s common for new employees to have at least one moment of panic moment in their first month. It’s normally the young ones, that have been assigned to one of Poe’s teams. Jess had almost panicked herself when she’d come across someone having a panic attack in the bathroom. Since then Kare organised training for everyone on the subject. 

There’s no sign of panic on Rey, nor of nervousness either. Although she doesn’t quite belong in the room - something makes her stick out - but she doesn’t act out of place. The quiet confidence from her is one that it’s taken Jess years to acquire. That was part of what attracted Jess to her to begin with.

A soft touch on her arm reminds Jess that she’d probably staring at Rey. The other woman is smiling at her, a soft hint of affection in her eyes. 

Jess’s cheeks flush what she assumes is the same colour as her dress. Rey doesn’t comment on it, luckily but her smile never fades. “Sorry,”

“I think I need a restroom break,” Rey says, fanning her face with a hand.

In the middle of the summer with the heat climbing daily there’s only a hint of a breeze. With the windows open there is no air circulation and it’s doubtful that the bathroom will be any cooler. They’ve all been packed into a room that feels like it’s getting smaller by the minute. Jess is thankful for her decision to wear a floor length dress. The soft fabric that grazed the floor is keeping her cool. Rey’s hand on her arm is doing the exact opposite

“Oh, was that an invitation?” Jess queries, a subtle smile on her face as her eyes drift down Rey’s shoulders and arms.

Rey’s cheeks turn pink and her eyes widen. Her tongue flicks over her lips and her voice shakes when she says: “Don’t you think it’ll be a bit crowded.”

Jess laughs at that as she moves away from Rey untangling their arms.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Rey smiles brightly before disappearing into the crowd. 

Jess can still feel the heat from her now absent body when Kare and Poe appear at her side.

“Nice work, Pava,” Kare says, staring in the direction that Rey has just left.

“You trying to take out the enemy?” Poe questions with a laugh.

“First off, she’s not the enemy. She works in the finance department for Leia campaign,” Jess shifts and looks at Kare, “And thanks.”

“She’s gorgeous but I would have made her stick around longer,” Kare says, with an absent-minded smile.

Jess rolls her eyes with a grin, “She’ll be back. She’s just gone to the restroom.”

“And you didn’t offer to go with her,” Kare places a hand on her chest, looking aghast, “Shame on you.”

“Oh I offered,” Jess confirms. A small smirk tugs at the corner of her lips as Kare raises an eyebrow. “It’s not off the cards, yet.”

Kare winks and Jess smiles back. Heat spreads down her neck.

“This is supposed to be a formal gathering,” Poe says, trying to look offended by failing miserably because of the smile on his face, “You’re not supposed to drag anyone off to the restroom.”

“Oh really,” Kare drawls, and smirks at him, “So if Finn said he needed your help with his tie…” She lets the end of the sentence hang.

Poe turns red, as Jess and Kare sputter with laughter, “If he needs help with his clothes then I would be more than happy to help.” Poe’s gaze drifts away from them, seeking out his boyfriend buried in the crowds of people. 

“Yeah, help take them off,” Jess quips.

“I haven’t seen Snap yet?” Poe says. The abrupt change of subject is jarring until Jess recognises the man shifting slowly closer to them. The CEO of Smoke Operations was one that had his ears tuned into every conversation that could contain a secret he could turn back on those it involved.

Jess scans the room quickly looking for Snap. The four of them had arrived together, but Snap had been trying to wriggle his way out of the party since it had been added to the events calendar. The majority of the office had turned up. Most knew that their jobs were directly dependant on events like this, and so they’d all dug out their nicest clothes for the evening. She’d seen Iolo as she walked in, his freshly pressed suit a stark contrast to his normal clothes.

He’s not here,” Kare says. She slips her phone back into the bag she’d refused to leave in the cloakroom.

“He told me he was busy,” Poe offers, just before his attention is dragged away by the arrival of Finn carrying a tray of drinks. A smile blossoms over his face as Finn gives his hand a small squeeze before handing out drinks. 

“Hm, I bet he just couldn’t be bothered to find a suit,” Kare rolls her eyes and takes the drink Finn holds out to her.

“I hope I got everyone’s orders right,” Finn says a little sheepishly.

Jess takes a sip of the drink he handed her. It’s pink, and far more sugary than the drinks she normally has. The slightly bitter aftertaste assures her that there is alcohol amongst the sugar.

“I thought Leia was supposed to be introducing you to all the important people,” Jess asks. Leia doesn’t have all of the possible donors gathered around her, but she certainly has their attention as she makes her way through the crowds.

Finn’s hands twist around each other, hiding a tremor that remind Jess of the barely controlled energy she noticed as she was dancing with Rey.

“I wanted to be introduced to the people who actual make things change,” Finn says, his gaze shifting to Poe. It’s no secret that Leia gives them all direction, and Poe and his team spending their time make sure that they actually get somewhere. They make a formidable team, and Jess is proud to work with both of them. 

“Are you saying that the rich people,” Kare leans in and lowers her voice, “Bore you?”

“Shh, don’t let them hear you,” Finn laughs.

They slip into comfortable chatter. Poe and Finn’s hands wound around each other, and Kare and Jess pointedly ignore their ever increasing sappy moments. Poe rattles off the names of people that Jess recognises by name only, and Kare gives her honest opinion on each of them, especially when it’s less than flattering. It’s easy to let her attention slide, and Jess doesn’t realise that time has been slipping by until Kare points it out.

“How long does she need in the restroom?” Kare nods towards the door.

“Who?” Jess asks, momentarily confused by her sudden inclusion in the conversation. She had been immersed in the feeling of a pair of hands on her waist, “Oh, Rey. I don’t know.”

She can’t deny that she feels a little disappointed. They had only spoken for a few minutes before their dance, and Jess knew she wasn’t a great dancer but she hadn’t thought she’d done too badly. She had hoped that Rey would reappear and they could get to know each other a little better. If Rey didn’t want that then Jess was happy to go back to an office friendship that could have been more. 

Better that she doesn’t get attached, Jess firmly tells herself. The pull in her chest that makes her heart race when she thinks about Rey is dangerous. The sting of rejection still hurts a little though.

As if summoned by their conversation a swish of dark blue gown catches Jess’s eye. Her eyes drift over the hands that are burnt onto her hips, and the collar bone that Jess desperately wants to kiss.

“I’m sorry,” Rey apologises, with her wide-eyed sincerity Jess forgives her almost instantaneously, “I got caught by one of the Senator’s and I couldn’t get away.”

“You poor thing,” Kare interjects, handing Rey a glass of wine, “This will help with the trauma.”

“If you’re going to be coming to these things,” Jess tries not to watch Rey’s lips as she takes a sip, “You’re going to acquire some expert Senator dogging skills.”

Rey laughs and shifts closer to Jess. She can’t tell if it’s somehow become hotter in the room, or if Rey radiates heat, but Jess’s skin burns. She introduces Rey to everyone ignoring how dry her mouth has become. 

Jess smiles and laughs and jokes. She’s enjoying herself, at a party full of people who make her feel uneasy, but she’s with people who make her happy. 

Rey pulls her out to dance again and Jess happily complies. They don’t really talk when they dance, just exchanged smiles, and little touches. Jess thinks she can see some fingerprint-like bruises on Rey’s arms, so she loosens her grip a little, worried that their last dance caused them. She doesn’t believe that her own strength is enough to bruise someone that quickly, but Jess doesn’t want to bring up an awkward topic when they’re still getting to know each other. Maybe Rey just bruises easily. Jess allows a moment of indulgence imagining the ways that she could mark Rey’s skin. 

Then she stumbles in their dance. Rey pulls her closer and Jess can barely form full thoughts anymore.

Eventually, as the evening wears on, people start drifting home. Jess hauls Rey out of the way of a group of very irate Senator’s, hiding them both in the very luxurious restroom. There’s no loss of clothes, or particularly rumpled hair but when Jess leaves, she’s thoroughly kissed with a new number programmed into her phone.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately depending on how you look at the situation, Jess doesn’t bump in Rey at work. They’re part of different teams, and Jess is already completely occupied, her workload almost overflowing. 

That’s partially due to her distractedness. 

Simply the knowledge that Rey is in the building, brings a smile to Jess’ face, and when she thinks back on the kisses they shared a few days before, heat rushes up her neck. 

Jess is smitten.

She tries to hide it but she knows she’s failing. Every time anyone mentions the party or money, Jess’ mind skips to Rey and she can’t stop the smile.

“Have you done anything all morning?” Kare asks, while they’re munching their lunches.

“Yes,” Jess sputters, thinking on the half a page of notes she made on the new designs they’re supposed to be mocking-up. Perhaps she could have done a little more work, but it’s not her fault Rey has such a dazzling smile.

She has to wait until Friday to see Rey’s smile again. They text on and off during the week, discussing mundane things, like the subway traffic and the best coffee houses close to the office. Jess does try to distance herself a little. She doesn’t think about Rey all the time, just a large percent of it, and when she’s at home Jess doesn’t bother to control her thoughts.

As she’s meeting up Rey with straight after work, there’s no time for her to fuss about her hair, or have a little panic in the bathroom. She walks out of the office and Rey’s there waiting. Her sleek red skirt paired with black heels makes it look like her legs go on forever. 

“I’m still a bit new to the city.” Rey says when they’ve made it down to the subway.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan,” Jess winks, and a blush spreads over Rey’s face.

Jess leads them through the subway, turning down familiar streets and then finally to a restaurant. It’s not a large chain restaurant, or a little backwater place. Katana’s is a family run business that Jess has been going alone to for years. Most of Organa’s campaign team visit every few weeks, so the waiter’s recognise their faces.

The hours slip by without Jess noticing. They blitz through their starters and mains, Jess glad to find that Rey eats just as much as she does. The conversation is light, just them getting to know each other. They exchange stories about their childhoods, and college, little snippets of their lives that slowly build up the picture of their separate lives. 

At the party they’d mainly stuck to safe topics, work and home’s and a little bit on family. Now though, Jess is more comfortable and so is Rey. The nervous energy that Jess had noticed at the party was gone. Rey slouched against the chair, and her hands flew around as she talked. They spoke of their family’s, Rey’s lack of one and Jess’s desperation to leave her hometown but not to abandon her parents. Jess doesn’t dwell on her family problems, quickly leading into her childhood antics with her cousins.

They laugh and drink wine and Jess knows she’s a bit tipsy. When they make it out of the restaurant she’s glad she’s wearing flat shoes, even if it does make her shorter than Rey, again. 

They’re walking on flat ground but Jess’ feet aren’t cooperating. She topples against Rey and then tries to regain her balance.

“I’ve got you,” Rey smiles, and her arms go around Jess’ waist.

Jess giggles, because her brain is full of bubbles and she can’t make her thoughts into sentences.

“I hope you can remember the way home,” Rey says as she helps Jess down the stairs to the subway.

She can’t remember the way home but Rey takes the lead anyway. It’s quite a complicated route and Jess is thoroughly impressed when Rey gets them to the door of her apartment with her limited knowledge of the subway system.

“I have keys,” Jess declares, pulling them out of her bag. It occurs to her that she doesn’t remember giving Rey her address but she must have done because they’re outside her front door.

“So how many of your flatmates are going to be home?” Rey asks, as the elevator takes them up to floor five.

Jess pulls her face away from where it was pressed to Rey’s collar bone, “Ugh, that depends.”

“Okay?”

“Snap will be there, and Kare but Poe, well that depends on what he was doing with Finn,” There’s a slight slur to her words that even Jess can hear in her intoxicated state.

Jess’ prediction is mostly right. Kare and Snap are sat on the sofa as they tumble in the door. There’s the smell of pizza in the air and no sign of Poe.

The next morning she doesn’t remember what happened after walking in the door. There’s just some fuzzy memories of shouting. The soft pillow under her aching head proves that she at least made it to her room, though Jess has some memory of being carried. In an attempt to block out the light from the outside world Jess tugs the covers over her head but doesn’t get them much higher than her chin. She prys her eyes open, and the sight she’s greeted with makes her glad she did so.

Rey is curled up next to her, still asleep in the same clothes from their date with some creases in the shirt, and a pair of Jess’ socks. An odd flutter in Jess’ chest makes her drop her eyes from studying Rey’s face when the other woman shifts in her sleep. 

Her headache demands her attention when Jess tries to sit up. She quickly sinks back into the pillows with a small groan.

“There’s water on the side,” Rey says, when she notices Jess shielding her eyes.

“Thanks,” She croaks and reaches for the water. The coolness soothes her head and she’s able to open her eyes and look at Rey properly.

She’s sat up scowling at her phone, completely absorbed by whatever she’s looking at.

“Rey,” At the sound of her name she lowers her phone, “Thanks for the water,”

“You’re welcome,”

“You, umm,” Jess smiles sheepishly, “You didn’t have to stay.”

“Oh, you were quite insistent,” Rey chuckles.

Jess cringes. She might not know what happened last night, but she knows what she’s like drunk and it’s not a sight she’d show to someone on a date, especially not a first date. Kare had a number of very embarrassing videos of Jess listing the virtues of her friends. She’s thankful that she’s not an overly affectionate drunk like Poe.

“It was cute,” Rey laughs and tugs Jess closer, framing her face with her hands, “You’re cute.”

“You’re pretty cute yourself,” Jess whispers, their lips almost touching . She’s acutely aware that her breath must smell horrid but Rey doesn’t seem to mind as she presses their lips together.

“I don’t have any food for breakfast,” Jess says, a little out of breath snuggling into Rey’s side. “We’ll have to scavenge the cupboard.”

They manage to find three boxes of half eaten cereal and a bottle of milk. Over the next few weeks Jess learns that Rey either eats nothing for days or mountains of food at once. It puzzles her a little as to where she puts all the food she consumes at once. 

Jess is careful to lay off the alcohol while she’s in Rey’s company. She knows that Rey has already seen her drunk so she sticks to one beer or half a bottle of wine. There’s no need for Rey to learn exactly what Jess thinks of the way she smiles, or how much she likes it when she wears heels.

They slowly learn each other. Jess finds the spot on Rey’s neck that makes her shiver, and she tells Rey about her first heartbreak. Rey becomes fond of the trail of freckles down Jess’s chest, and one evening Jess learns all about Rey’s lost family (as little as Rey knows about them). The seasons change from warm summer evenings to breezy autumn days. Rey starts leaving her jumpers in Jess’ room and eventually they clean out a drawer for Rey to store her small amounts of clothing. And if Jess does spend more time wearing Rey’s jumpers than her own she just claims she opened the wrong drawer that morning.

It’s never really discussed between them but when Rey pulls the shopping list off the fridge and returns an hour later burdened with shopping bags, Jess realises that they’re living together. She also notices that she’s never given Rey a key and yet the door swings open anyway.

“Did Poe give you a key?” she questions as they unload the bags of food filling the normally empty cupboards.

Rey holds up a keychain, with a brightly coloured bead fairy that Jess recognises as her own.

“I was wondering where they’d gone” she exclaims, and reaches for her keys. Rey moves them just out of reach, puckering her lips towards Jess. She sinks into the kiss. The keys are forgotten on the kitchen floor.

Jess is happy, not that she wasn’t before she met Rey, but now she can’t stop the little smile that creeps onto her face when she thinks about her girlfriend. She’s so wrapped up in her life, and work that she doesn’t pay attention to all the little strange occurrences until she has too.

The first time she does is when she starts waking up alone. In the morning she wakes up with Rey curled up on the bed next to her. When she wakes up in the night though, she’s not there. The bed is cold and empty. 

It’s not all the time. Maybe once a month, and then as the frequency increases Jess has to admit that she can’t keep passing it off as midnight grocery runs. She’s not sure how to bring it up, so she leaves it. There’s no hint of secrecy in Rey’s disposition but Jess watches her a little more closely.

It’s only after she noticed the midnight disappearances, that Jess factors in Rey’s business trips. Rey has always claimed them as part of her job, financial research and meetings that she has to attend in person. The bruises and aching bones she returns with can’t be explained away by a business meeting.

When Rey returns with a white patch of gaze over her shoulder Jess refuses to ignore it anymore. 

“What happened?” She asks, trying not to sound too much like she’s prying, but she’s worried. Whatever the secrets are that Rey is keeping, they’re also getting her hurt. Jess doesn’t want to be tending to bruises without knowing where they’ve come from, and if they’re going to develop into something more than just bruises. 

Rey winces away as Jess’ hand goes out towards her shoulder, “I got into a fight. It’s just a scratch. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.” The gaze is a small patch on blood on it. The wound is still bleeding, but Rey won’t let her change the bandage. 

Jess lets herself be convinced. Rey’s explanation can make sense she reasons. She does have martial arts training and Jess has known her to get into fights before, but she’s never come home with hurt. Whoever it was that Rey was fighting must have been a professional, Jess thinks. She’s seen Rey fight and immediately vowed not to get on her bad side. 

After that there’s a little distance between them. Jess tries everything she can think of to close it. Romantic dinners, movie nights, a day out go-karting but the distance is still there. Jess can feel Rey pulling away. No matter what Jess does she can’t stop her.

Jess knows how it feels to have secrets dragged out of you, so she keeps quiet and hopes that Rey will confide in her. She would demand answers from Rey but there’s something in the weariness behind her eyes that makes Jess hold her tongue. 

Rey standing in a conference room, her feet planted firmly on the ground and a gun to Leia’s son’s forehead is all the answer she needs. Jess doesn’t let out a surprised gasp, everything just slips into place. Her jumpiness at any of the public events, the bruises and even how Rey knew her address. 

She shuts the door behind her. 

“Pava,” Ben Solo hisses, his eyes leaving the steady hands holding the gun and moving to glare at her, “I hope you didn’t have any part in this or my mother -”

“Shut it, Ren,” Rey cuts him off.

Jess knows she should be concentrating on the fact that her girlfriend is holding her boss’s son hostage but all she can focus on it that Rey has a gun and she looks very comfortable holding it. Every new employee has training on the ways that politicians can infiltrate each other’s campaign office, though guns were never mentioned. 

The name that Rey calls Ben sounds familiar but Jess can’t pinpoint where she’s heard it before. 

“Rey why do you have a gun?” She focuses on the part of the situation that most concerns her. 

Rey keeps the gun up against Ben’s head, but her head twitches slightly.

“I can’t explain Jess. I’m sorry,” Her voice cracks before she continues, “You should get out of here, I’m sure you’ll --, you’ll find out soon.”

“That wasn’t an answer,”

Jess takes a step forward. The muscles in Rey’s arm tense. 

“Jessika, I can’t give you an  _ answer _ ,” Rey drops one hand from the gun and turns her head so she can see Jess, “You have to go. Please.”

The pleading note in the ‘please’ is the only thing the Jess trust about the whole situation so she walks back down the corridor and waits. She waits for Rey to appear at her desk with an apology and an explanation, she waits for a text or a call. She worries that Rey has become entangled in something that she can’t get out of. Jess doesn’t know how she’d help but she feels helpless not knowing. 

She waits for something to happen. For someone else to find Rey with a gun and come screaming down the corridor. For the alarm blare through the building and the police to evacuate them.

Jess waits for two days, and then the news breaks. It’s on every news channel and paper. Ben Solo arrested for embezzlement, fraud and conspiracy.

There’s no mention of Rey. Jess scours every news article, every report and all that’s mention is a secret organisation that helped to bring down Ben, or Kylo Ren as he calls himself.

The gravity of the situation doesn’t quite hit Jess until she goes back to work the next day. The office is manic. They’re trying to control the situation, distance the Organa’s from Ren. Jess feels like she’s at the centre of the storm. With people whirling by all around her, all she can do is sit at her desk and watch.

Sometime after lunch she makes it down to the finance department. When she asks after Rey she gets a few blank stares, a half remembered memory and confirmation that there was never anyone called Rey who officially worked there.

The only people that remember her are their close friends. Poe and Finn and Snap and Kare all ask around for her and there are people who remember her in passing. Jess searches her out on social media but all of her accounts have stagnated. She leaves the phone number till last. Those eleven digits are the last bit of hope that Jess has been holding onto. Once she dials the number and no one answers her last connection to Rey will be gone.

It takes her a month. The day she presses the dial button it’s would have been their ten month anniversary. Jess has had one too many beers and she loses control of her fingers. The dial tone sounds and then the automated voice informs her that the number has been disconnected.

Jess has cried about it before, but when she hangs up she cries harder than before. She cries until she falls asleep at the table and wakes up with a crick in her neck. At least the pain in her neck distracts her from the pain in her heart.

All she has left of Rey is the pile of clothes and a bunch of memories. The clothes have stopped smelling like Rey; all the memories do is make Jess cry so she stuffs both away. 

She buys a new car and goes back to racing like she used to do in her teens. It makes her feel alive again. Plus it’s a part of her that she never shared with Rey, they’d never raced together and so it’s easier to forget about her when she’d behind the wheel. Jess doesn’t feel her heart clench painfully as her hands grip the steering wheel. She can concentrate on the road and forget everything else.

“Jess,” The vibration on her desk starts her awake. She hadn’t been sleeping, just resting her eyes for a moment.

“You’ve got to stop going out every night,” Poe says as he shoves what she assumes is a mug of coffee into her hands.

“It’s not every night,”

“It’s been every night for the last two weeks,” It’s been two weeks since the trial. Jess had taken the day off, her eyes glued to the news reports hoping to catch a glimpse of Rey.

“Ha, exactly,” Jess finishes the coffee in a large gulp.

Poe raises an eyebrow, “The only reason you stayed home that night was because you passed out on the stairs,”

“I did?” Jess doesn’t remember that evening. She has a vague memory of waking up in her bed and crawling to the sofa.

“We’re having a movie night tonight,” He says. Jess feels a little guilty for not even keeping up with her friends. She hasn’t had a proper conversation with any of them for weeks. 

“No romance crap?”

“No romance crap,” Poe confirms with a smile. He tugs the empty coffee mug from Jess’ fingers. “Now do some work.”

She stays at home for the movie night. Somewhere between her third beer and the ending of Pacific Rim, Poe and Kare end up on either side of her. The movie ends. As the room goes silent Jess comes to the realisation that perhaps the reason why her friends are all looking at her like that is because there are tears running down her face.

“Jess,” Kare says before pulling her in a hug.

Poe and Snap join in and then there are five of them all trying to fit onto a sofa made for two.

Her tears have calmed a little when Finn speaks.

“I spoke to Leia about Rey and,” He stops exchanging a glance with Poe, who nods, “Have you heard of the Jedi?”

Jess nods. The secret spy organisation that Leia apparently has some connection to. It’s been rumoured that her brother Luke is part of it. Apart from a whispered mention in a sleazy bar, all Jess knows about them is that they’re not government affiliated and they’ve taken down numerous terrorist organisation.

“According to Leia, Rey is one of their agents. She was sent by to help ferret out Kylo Ren, who turn out to be, well you know that bit.”

“Ok, so?” Jess shrugs. The information isn’t all that shocking. She’d figured out most of it, but none of it makes it easier. Nothing about why Rey disappeared would stop the hurt from her disappearance.

“It means that her role in the campaign, the life she built, the person she was. It was part of the mission.” Poe squeezes an arm around her shoulders.

“And that’s supposed to make it better?” Jess pulls away from her friends, standing from the sofa. “That I was just  _ part of the mission? _ ”

“Jess, it means she had to leave. She didn’t have a choice.” Finn says.

Jess scoffs, “She could at least have left a note. You know, sorry for all the lies but I was working to stop Organa’s crazy son from trying to kill everyone. See you soon.” 

“I’m sorry, it doesn’t help, I know,” Poe looks around the group of them, “But we thought you should know that she only left because she had too.” 

“Thanks but it -” Jess slumps back down to the floor. She presses her fist to her chest, just below her heart, to the place that aches every time she thinks of Rey. Tears drip from her eyes again.

That evening doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it helps Jess move on. She’s not mourning Rey, she’s mourning the loss of the relationship and the betrayal that came when Rey left without a word. 

She still races, but she doesn’t stay out every night anymore. Her brain stops jumping to Rey at every possible opportunity and when she creeps into her thoughts, well, Jess has mastered the art of pushing unwanted thoughts away.

Occasionally she catch a whiff of recognisable scent. Those days are the ones she spending drinking with Snap. But even those evening become less frequent until the only time she feels the tears spring to her eyes is when she thinks back on their first dance together.


	2. Ten Years Later

With a mostly healed heart Jess lives her life almost as she expected it. Of course she never counted on meeting anyone like Rey, or on Organa actually making it into office. There are lots of things that happen that she never count on but somehow she makes it ten years down the line.

She quits her job and changes professions. Designing cars is a lot more fun than designing campaign ads, it’s not as creative perhaps. There are stricter guidelines, and requirements from her boss and the regulators but she enjoys it; the money isn’t something that she turned her nose up at either. Plus the bonus of flying around the world is one she jumped at. It gives her the chance to get away, to see the world from a distance point in the sky. 

Surprisingly, most morning she doesn’t wake up wishing for the day to be over already. She likes her job and her life in general.

That’s about as far as her feelings go. Jess likes her life, it feels settled and secure, something that Jess had been striving towards for years. She can easily ignore the way her eyes catch on 

She’s not the only one who . Poe directing Leia’s media presence, Finn becoming a politician himself. Jess can’t help smiling whenever she sees their entwined hands with matching wedding bands. Snap finds that freelance work suits him and Kare spends her time doing god knows what but they’re all happy and that’s all Jess ever hope for. 

There is still a bitter taste in her mouth when strangers ask after a partner or question her lack of children. Jess knows that they’re being polite but all the questions bring up melancholy memories. 

She has tried to date other people. There have been numerous first dates and a few relationships that last a while but nothing that stuck. Jess blatantly ignores Kare when she points out all the similarities between all of her girlfriends.

Being single doesn’t bother Jess too much, she has her friends and that all she needs. 

A little while after her thirty-third birthday, she starts to feel as if something has changed. Not that she’s actively seeking out strange situations but they keep landing on her doorstep. Quite literally.

Her post starts getting delivered with extra notes tied to them. They’re nothing special to start with. Just plain script that could be written by anyone. Some of the things written are obviously taken from a quick google search about her time at college, and as a part of Leia’s campaign team all those years ago. There are a few that help put a smile on her face for the rest of the day. Those notes are deliberately calculated to make her laugh, and they bring a small bubble of warmth to her chest.

On one particularly cold morning she get a note reading:

_ Coffee at the corner of 42nd street always stays warm for hours. _

_ And don’t forget a scarf. _

She does forget a scarf but the note writer was right about the coffee shop she discovers. 

Most of the notes are little observations of the weather, or the state of the roads. Mundane and boring, Jess wonders why anyone would take so much time to write out notes to her every day. It does eventually occur to her that perhaps she should be a little bit worried about an unknown person writing her note. They’re not threatening or even remotely personal though so she’s not too worried.

“Are you still getting those notes?” Kare asks her over a piping hot pizza. 

Jess nods, her mouth full of food.

“It’s been what, three months now? I would have thought they’d would have become bored,” Poe comments.

“I got another one this morning so obviously not,” Jess waves a little square on paper before returning it to her pocket.

They’ve finished most of the pizza when the doorbell rings again. Finn returns with another box of pizza, much to the puzzlement of everyone.

“I thought we’d eaten all the pizza?” Poe questions, pulling the lips off.

It’s piping hot and Jess can’t see in the box cleary. She recognises that smell straight away though. It’s not pizza in the box but freshly baked cookies. 

“Who ordered cookies?” Poe questions. They never normally order anything other than pizza. Jess shuffles forward. The last time she ate cookies after pizza was years ago, with Rey. They had spent the afternoon attempting to bake their own cookies, when Rey suggested that they give up and order some.

“Well, we can’t let them go to waste,” She reaches into the box and nibbles on the edge of the cookie so she doesn’t burn her mouth.

No one else wants any but Jess manages to make her way through the box by herself. It’s slow going but she makes it, regretting having eaten so much pizza but unwilling to let the cookie go to waste.

A few weeks later she’s grocery shopping and the aisle full of sweets and sugar that she tries to avoid are just too tempting. She skims over most of the packets, looking for the brightly coloured sugary sweets. Jess hesitates for a moment before grabbing two packets.

As she turns away from the shelf she collides with another body. The packets go flying down the aisle. Jess has to quickly catch herself before she ends up on the floor too. The hands from the other person help her to steady herself. 

Jess tries to spin around to catch a glimpse of their face. All she sees in a flash of brown hair and a hurried apology that echoes round her head for the rest of her day. The voice and hands struck a chord in Jess and after an hour of staring at nothing she’s no closer to figuring out why. So she opens the sweet packets and indulges.

The encounter fades from her memory, just another odd happenstance, not even worth mentioning to Kare when they meet up at Jess’ house after work. They’re discussing a whole lot of nothing when the doorbell goes. Kare shoos Jess out to answer it while she picks out a film for the evening. 

The door swings open and there stood in her doorway, ten years later, is Rey. A sheepish smile on her face, her hair down around her shoulders. There are a few wrinkles around her eyes, and a small scar on her temple but then Jess can’t claim that she’s escaped the last ten years without a few changes to her own body. Rey’s wearing a long blue skirt, like the dress she wore when they first met.

When Jess’ brain catches up, her first thought is that she’s hallucinating. She opens her mouth to say something, but then realises she has no idea what to say. Jess isn’t sure that she can’t believe her own eyes at the moment. She takes a step backwards and swings the door shut.

For a few seconds Jess stares at the back of the door. Then she turns and rushes back to the lounge.

“Kare, I need you to go and see who’s at the door.” She blurts out.

Kare looks up, confusion on her face, as she balances a pile of DVD’s. “Didn’t you just do that?”

“Yes, but I need you to check,” Jess leans down the corridor to check that the door is shut.

Still unsure of what’s happened, Kare goes to the door and Jess waits. She hears the door click open and then:

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kare sounds incredulous, and Jess knows that her eyes weren’t deceiving her. “You had better-”

“No,” Jess interrupts just as Kare’s gearing up to a shout. She has more of a right to anger at Rey than Kare does.

“Jess, I -” Rey starts.

“No,” Jess cuts her off too. Her hands are starting to shake now. Part of her is pleased to see Rey, but there’s a larger part of her that is incredibly angry. After ten years, after leaving without a word, Rey turns up and seems to want to talk. Jess is happy to talk, but first she has to decide if she wants to kiss Rey or shout at her.

To delay her decision, Jess pulls Rey into the house and slams the door shut. Kare moves out of Jess’ line of sight, but she can feel her eyes boring into her back.

“Jess, I’m sorry,” Rey says while Jess is making a decision between kissing or shouting. Rey’s apology sends a spike of anger down Jess’ chest.

“You’re  _ sorry _ ?” Jess repeats, her voice barely above a whisper. “Sorry? You left. The last I saw you, you were holding a gun and told me to leave. Then you were gone. No goodbye, no letter. You were just gone.” Jess’ voice has risen to a shout now. “You left me and now you’re saying sorry, ten years later. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive, or if your name is even Rey” She lets out a shaky scoff. “Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“I know,”

“Good because I -” Jess breaks off, emotion clogging her throat. She doesn’t know what she wants to say. The words she has aren’t enough. How is she supposed to describe elation and anger at the same time? There’s no way for her to tell Rey that she missed her but she fine without her. 

She looks over at Rey, whose eyes are filled with tears. It’s the first time Jess has really looked at her since she opened the door,. She noticed the small changes but she’s didn’t put them together. Rey looks older. Jess know she must too. There are a few lines around her face but her eyes are softer now. She still holds herself upright, looking Jess in the eye.

“Sorry will never make up for what I did,” Rey says, taking a deep breath before continuing, “But would you let me explain?”

Jess doesn’t respond. Instead she slumps against the wall. She still angry with Rey but she has to give in to her curiosity.

“I can explain it to you now.” Rey hesitates and licks her lips. Jess is reminded of her previous thought to kiss her. “I couldn’t explain it to you then but I can now. Please.”

Stood on opposite sides of the corridor Jess thinks that she would do almost anything to close that distance, but she’s not sure if she can trust Rey again. If she has to accept that Rey might leave without warning for the second time, then Jess would prefer not to have her back at all. 

“Jess,” Kare startles Jess’ thoughts away from Rey, who looks like she’d forgotten about Kare’s presence too. “I think I should leave you two to this conversation but,” she turns to Rey, “The rest of us deserve an explanation too.”

Rey nods and gives her a half smile. Kare hugs Jess goodbye, and extracts a promise to text her when they’re finished. When she’s left Jess is markedly aware that she’s alone with Rey. Rey who can handle a gun with ease, and Jess knows almost nothing about her.

“We should probably sit down,” Jess says. Rey lets her lead them into the lounge and sits down on the opposite side of the room. The space between them tugs at Jess heart, but she also grateful for it. It’ll hopefully make it easier to remember how Rey hurt her. She’s going to listen to everything Rey has to say, but forgiving her won’t be easy. 

Jess sits and listens, while the whole story comes spilling out of Rey’s mouth. It sounds rehearsed though, like Rey has spent hours agonising over how best to explain, how to make it all … make sense.

At the end Jess still isn’t sure she fully understands. She’s grasped the main points. Rey being recruited by the Jedi, her training and then subsequent missions. Most of them she doesn’t understand, and doesn’t really care too.

The bit that’s important to Jess is when Rey started work at Organa’s. She makes Rey repeat that bit over and over until both of their brains feel a little sore.

“You knew it was him all along?” Jess questions. She stood up pacing now, the movement helping to keep her awake and to relieve some of her tension.

Rey nods, “We didn’t have enough evidence. If anyone arrested him then he’d be out in a matter of hours. So we had to come in and get the evidence. Make sure that it was all water-tight before we did anything.”

“You could have asked Leia, I’m sure she would have helped.”

Rey half-smiles, like she’s had this conversation before, “Leia couldn’t be involved. If she was then it would have compromised her whole campaign. She -” Rey stops, wrings her hands together and gulps, “She knew who I was though.”

“Leia knew the whole time?” Jess asks. She remembers asking Leia if she’d know anything about Rey’s disappearance but she hadn’t volunteered any extra information after the arrests. Hearing that Leia had information she didn’t share stings a little.

“She couldn’t tell you. Not until I’d left,” Rey affirms. She rubs a hand over her face and Jess can see the tiredness in her eyes. “Leia knew because her brother runs part of the Jedi. He was my mentor actually and he selected me for the mission.”

“Wait, if Leia’s brother runs the Jedi, then he sent you to bring in his nephew?”

Rey lets out a little laugh, the first genuine smile crossing her face. “Yeah, it was - it is a messy situation.”

Jess flops down onto the sofa next to Rey and laughs. “I can tell.”

“I was so glad for it all to be over though,” Rey muses. Jess head snaps round to look at her raising an eyebrow. “Not for the -” Rey points at Jess, “But for Ren, Ben - whatever his name is - to be in prison.”

Rey’s head falls forward onto her hands. Jess can tell that she still hasn’t finished, that somehow there’s more to the story. She puts a hand on Rey’s back, willing to listen if she wants to talk.

“He hurt a lot of my friends,” Rey whispers. 

“The bastard hurt a lot of people,”

“I’m -” Rey lifts her head off her hands. Jess can see that her eyes have gone all watery, her eyebrows knitted into a frown.

“I think I hate him most for making me hurt you,” Rey takes a slow breath, “but then it wasn’t him that hurt you. It was me.”

Jess nods. She can’t deny the statement. It was Rey that hurt her. It may have been Ren’s fault but it was Rey that left, Rey that broke Jess’ heart.

“I know I can’t fix it, but I wanted to at least explain,”

“I don’t understand half of it, but I get it now,” Jess confirms. She hasn’t hated Rey for years now, if she’s honest she never did. And she hasn’t forgiven her either but knowing why she left helps a little.

“It doesn’t mean you’re fully forgiven yet though,” Jess nudges Rey’s arm, “You owe me a lot of cookies before you’re fully forgiven.”

“I guess it’s a good job I’ve already made a start then,” Rey laughs.

Jess’ eyes widen as everything from the last few months clicks together, “It was you!”

Rey holds up her hands with a sheepish laugh, “Guilty as charged.”

“The cookies, the notes?”

“All me, and the store as well,”

Jess’ furrows her brow, “The store?”

“The sweets,” Rey reminds her.

“Oh,” Jess nods, “I guess it pays to have super spy skills,”

Rey laughs.

“But why didn’t you just knock on my door weeks ago?” Jess asks, after a moment of brief distraction caused by Rey’s smile. “You could have skipped the cookies and the notes and just said hello.”

Rey’s hand clash together, her knuckles a little white as her fingers twist around each other. “I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t know how to apologise so I thought I’d just make your life a little better and then -” Rey shrugs, a forced laugh ejected from her mouth, “I’d leave.”

“But you didn’t,”

“No, I -” Rey waves a hand in the air, “Things changed and I knew I couldn’t so I came and said hello,”

The vagueness of the statement brings home how adept Rey is at lying. Jess can’t quite pinpoint how she knows but there’s something missing from the story. And she still doesn’t really know why Rey is here. She knows she’s there is give an apology but other than that Rey hasn’t given any reason for turning up on her doorstep.

“Why now? Why not three years ago, or two months time?” 

Rey makes eye contact again, and slumps back into the sofa, “I left. I left the Jedi.”

“You can leave?”

“They call it retiring.” Rey shrugs, “It’s not really leaving. They’ll still know where I am and they’ll be tracking my every move but I can get a job, a house, a -” Rey breaks off. The look in her eyes in one that Jess remembers well; weariness that keeps coming back no matter how much you try to sleep it off.

“A life?” Jess finishes for her.

“Something like that,”

A comfortable silence descends over the room. It’s not awkward, and Jess has decided that she’s not going to say anything to break it. She likes the silence. It’s nice to have Rey near her again, even if she does feel more like a stranger than an ex-girlfriend.

“I know I don’t deserve anything from,” Rey shifts on the sofa, pushing her hair out of her face, “But I was hoping we could be friends again?”

Jess takes a moment to formulate her answer. It should be simple. It’s a one word answer but Jess has no idea which one she wants to give. She should say no, Rey has hurt her before and Jess shouldn’t be willing to put her heart on the line again. She should say yes though. She’s dreamt of Rey coming back, of her apologising and them fitting back into their old routine.

She can’t give either answer so she settles for, “Possibly.”

Luckily Rey doesn’t look too disappointed, as if she was expecting a no.

“I don’t want to get hurt again,” Jess explains and Rey nods, “But I missed you.”

“I missed you too,”

And that’s it. Jess has Rey back in her life again. It is a little awkward at first. They have to re-learn each other. Ten years has changed Jess but she finds that the Rey she knew is almost the same as the one sat in front of her. She’d been expecting her to be so very different but she’s not.

Rey still prefers black coffee and hates the public transport system. Jess finds that there are parts of her she never knew before but most of it feels the way it did. They’re both a little older, a little wiser and a lot more silly now though.

They’re friends, that’s what Jess keeps telling herself. She ignores the bubbles in her chest when Rey smiles. She ignores the dreams involving Rey and how all she can think about is how pretty her eyes are. 

It takes Jess a couple of months of persuade Rey to come along and see their friends again. Rey had been insistent that most of them probably hated her. Eventually Jess had to remind her that she promised Kare an explanation and she’d better give it before Kare turned up on her doorstep.

So one Friday evening, Jess picks Rey up and drives them over to Poe and Finn’s house. They all know she’s coming, picked out a hoard of games in case things get too awkward and surprisingly Finn isn’t as excited as Jess would have expected. They were good friends before Rey left though Finn must have felt as abandoned as she did. 

They’re barely walked in the door and Rey is being pestered for her story. It comes out in the same way as Jess heard it. There are more interruptions but the story is the same.

Jess can see her friends slowly start to forgive Rey. They don’t say it but Kare punches her on the shoulder and Poe shows no mercy in Battleships. 

“Have you told them about the last few years?” Finn comments as they finish up the last of the food, as they ply Snap with paper money so he’ll join the game of Monopoly.

“Not yet, I was waiting for -”Rey breaks off and inclines her head towards Finn.

Jess knows that there’s another revelation about to come. She hopes it won’t be as startling as when Rey turned up again. The side conversations that are taking place between Rey and Finn make her uneasy. And now that she thinks back on it Finn wasn’t that surprised when Rey had left without a trace. 

While Finn harries Poe back into the lounge and gets them all settled with drinks, Jess watches Rey. She’s taken to doing so lately. She likes noticing the little things that she’d always disregarded before. She’s come to know that Rey scratches her temple when thinking and that she crosses and uncrosses her legs when she agitated.

Jess manages to maneuver herself next to Rey and place a hand on her legs which are twitching.

“Are you okay?” She whispers.

“Fine,” Rey says back without looking at her. Jess sees her hands flick to her phone and away again. She’s been doing it all evening. It’s making Jess ansty, so she reaches for her own phone and checks her notifications. There’s nothing important puts it away, tempted to confiscate Rey’s.

“In the past few years I’ve been doing more public service work,” Rey says. 

Poe’s handing out the money for Monopoly. Next to him, Jess notices the tension in Finn’s brow.

“She’s been working with me,” Finn tells the table, but his hands go to Poe, who drops the pile of money in the middle of the board.

“You’re joking,” Poe stares between the two, incredulous at the secret that his now-husband has been keeping. 

Jess feels less surprised. The friendship between them is one that’s of long-standing, and Jess knows that there’s more to the story than just the past few years. The tension in the room is palpable. Poe watching Finn intently and Rey glancing around the circle but avoiding Jess’ eyes. 

“I shouldn’t have been put on Finn’s team. It was too -” Rey’s eyes flick to Jess, “Too personal, but they needed someone with political experience.”

“And you never said anything?” Poe accuses.

“I didn’t know until recently,”

“It was a remote job. Half the time Finn didn’t even know that I was there, and when he did,” Rey bites her lip, “He didn’t know about my involvement with the Jedi until a few months ago. I’m officially becoming part of Finn’s security team now. I haven’t technically been a part of it so no one knew,” The tension in the room abates, “The only people who knew were part of the Jedi.”

“I thought you’d left?” Jess asks, the facts not quite adding up. How can Rey be part of security if she’s not a spy any more? And how long have they been having their secret lunches?

“I have, which is why I’m now -” Rey’s phone beeps and she finishes her sentence scowling at her phone, “I’m part of the security payroll. It’s been something that I’ve been working on for the last couple of years. Getting out,” Rey drops off. Jess’ stomach twists, Rey hadn’t forgotten in all those years. She’d been trying to get back. 

“So you two are working together?” Poe’s forgotten the game of Monopoly he’s supposed to be setting up, in favour of interrogating his husband. 

“Yeah, it’s fun,” Finn smiles.

Jess can hear them discussing the new work arrangement, but she’s not paying attention. She’s watching Rey, who’s completely absorbed with whatever’s on her phone. She’s tapping the screen frantically but her eyes keep darting around the room. There’s something wrong but Jess has no clue what.

“How many of you worked with Organa?” Rey leans over and asks her, her brow still furrowed.

Jess scans the room. Most of them worked with the Organa campaign. Iolo, Snap, Kare, and Finn have all since found new jobs but Organa was how they met. She tells Rey, who takes a shaky breath in. Jess is a little surprised that she doesn’t remember, but then it has been ten years.

“Shit,”

Jess follows Rey’s sudden movement up from the sofa. Whatever has agitated Rey, it obviously affects the rest of them. It’s wrapped up in the Kylo Ren scandal. Panic creeps slowly up Jess’ throat.

“What’s happened?” Jess wraps an arm around Rey pulling her close.

The screen that Rey shows her explain it all. There’s a picture of Ben Solo and a bloody murder scene.

“He got out three weeks ago,” Rey explains, “We’ve got no idea how but now he’s going after people who were involved with the original Organa campaign.”

“Which mean all of us,” Jess looks over at her friends.

Poe and Finn are talking and sharing kisses. Iolo and Snap are laughing as Kare tried to stack the Monopoly piece as high as she can.

“Yeah, I -” Rey’s phone buzzes, and she winces at the name Jess can’t quite read, “I have to take this.”

“Ok, can I -?” Jess nods towards their friends and Rey nods back.

Jess can hear bits of Rey’s conversation in the hallway as she tells the other about Ren’s apparent vendetta against them. Kare looks like she’s ready to crush his windpipe if he even tries to get near any of them and Poe reappears from the kitchen with a knife that Finn promptly takes off him.

“We’ve got a safe house,” Rey says when she comes back in.

There are protests thrown up from all sides of the room. Jess joins in, stating that he’s going to come after them anyway. She forgets, for a moment, that Rey is a spy, that she’s had experience in dealing with these situations. 

Then Rey silences the arguments. “Leia’s requested protection for you all,”

Jess has to admit she’s a little touched. It’s been years since she saw Leia, even though Poe and Finn work closely with her. The mention of Leia is enough to quell all other protests. If she thinks they need protection then they’re not going to argue, at least not too much.

“And considering I’m here and I’m responsible for Finn’s safety, I get to choose that protection, which means we’re going to the safe house.”

“How are we supposed to get there?” Jess asks, it occurs to her that they can’t walk out the door or use one of their cars. Ren is smart enough to track them.

“I’ve got cars on the way,”

“Cars?” Snap picks up.

“Yeah, cars?”

“Why more than one?”

Rey gives a small smile, “We can’t all go together, it’s too dangerous.”

“You’re not splitting us up,” Poe says clamping his hand over Finn’s, “Any of us.”

“We’re staying together,”

“We’ll all be at the same house, there’ll just be different routes to get there,” Rey rolls her eyes with a fond smile .

They all reluctantly agree. The next twenty minutes consisted of Jess following Rey as she checks each entrance to the house. Rey’s hands keep going to her back and Jess is sure she has a gun hidden there. It makes her feel a little safer. Rey won’t hesitate with the gun if Ren shows.

Jess remembers the last time she was Rey with a gun and she can’t bring herself to let Rey out of her sight. That was how she lost her before. Jess is determined not to let it happen again. Plus being able to see Rey helps calm her racing heartbeat a little.

The first of the cars pull up outside the house and Snap and Iolo are shepherded out of the house. The rest of them descend into tense silence.

Then it’s Kare’s turn, ferried away on the back of a motorbike, Jess thinks that she’s getting far too much enjoyment from this situation.

“I’m going with you,” Jess tells Rey, who’s standing guard by the front door. 

“You can’t -”

“I can,” Jess cuts her off, “I’m not letting Kylo Ren come between us again. I’ll be perfectly safe with you and we’ll meet the other’s at the safe house.”

She can see Rey relent as a fond smile passes over her face.

“Alright, but I have to stop off somewhere,”

Finn and Poe disappear out into the darkness and then Jess finds herself clambering into the most hideous car. It’s tiny and smells funny and it’s been painted a sickly green colour. 

Neither of them speak as Rey drives. Jess’s eyes flitting about looking for any signs of chase. They stop off at a run down off-licence and Rey emerges with a bag that Jess isn’t sure she wants to look into.

The green car is abandoned and Rey pays for a taxi with a wad of cash. At the edge of the city Rey hustles them into a different car, one that she definitely doesn’t have the keys for.

“Where are we going?” Jess asks as the city lights fade.

“It’s about another ten minutes,”

“This better not be the part where you murder me in the middle of a field,” Jess crosses her arms as Rey laughs. 

“I can’t promise anything,”

“Damn, I knew I should have checked what was in that bag,”

They’re both laughing now. It’s odd how normal it feels. If Jess ignores the fact that they’re heading to a safe house because an escaped terrorist might want to murder her, it feels like they’re just two people on a late night drive. It feels so comfortable and Jess’ chest aches as she realises how much she’s missed this. It’s not just Rey she’s missed, it’s the companionship of being with another person, laughing with them and joking around.

They pull up to the safe house too soon for Jess’ liking.

Everyone else is already there, along with a few others the Rey introduces, one of whom is Luke Skywalker. He explains that there’s nothing to do except wait and hope that when Ren turns up they’re prepared. Rey assures Jess that they’ll all be fine, she’s taken down Ren once and she can do it again.

The black bag Rey picked up has accompanied them inside. Rey drags Jess into one of the bedrooms and unzips it. The sound of the zip sounds ominous and Jess still doesn’t want to know what’s in the bag.

When turns around she’s holding a gun. It’s not pointed at Jess but she still tenses.

“Please say you’re joking,” Jess says when she realises why Rey has got the gun out.

“ I have to go and find him,” Rey beckons Jess over and holds out a gun to her. She takes a few reluctant steps. “You don’t have to have it if you don’t want to,”

Jess ponders for a moment. She never thought that she’d be considering using a gun. Sure, when she started working for Organa she knew there were risks but she didn’t think it would end up with a safe house. 

The gun is only just bigger than her hand and she has almost no clue how it works, but she does know that if anyone threatens her friends, Jess wouldn’t hesitate for a moment. And now Rey is offering to show her how to protect them.

“Alright, how do I use it?”

Rey places the gun in her hands and take her through the basics. Jess has to force her brain into focusing, Rey is so close to her and all Jess really wants to do is wrap her arms around her and never let go. She focuses on the gun and how to use it.

“Yeah, just like that,” Rey smiles.

“Okay, but Rey,” Jess pauses, “Why do I need one if this is a safe house?”

“Because I -” Rey breaks off and rubs her nose, “I have to know that you’ll be ok when I leave.”

“Oh,” Jess gasps, “I’ll be fine, but you,” She takes a step forward, letting the gun fall to her side, “You have to promise me that you’re coming back.” The gun is on the bed now and Jess’ hands have wrapped themselves around Rey’s, “Promise me you’re going to get him and that you’re coming back.”

“I’m coming back,”

“Good,” Jess smiles and tilts her head up a little to look into Rey’s eyes. 

Their lips touch the rest of the world slips out of focus. All she can feel is Rey’s lips on hers, her hands in Rey’s hair and Rey’s hands drawing her closer. Jess pulls back and smiles at Rey, the infectious type of smile that she just can’t suppress and she doesn’t want too.

“I should go,” Rey says. Her face is so close that Jess can still feel Rey’s breath against her lips.

“Can’t you wait for a little while?” Jess wheedles, even though she knows what Rey’s answer will be..

“Well, it is only a murderer on the loose,” Rey teases.

“Hm, I suppose I can let you go, just this once.” 

“I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”

That statement isn’t true though. Jess notices Rey’s absence from the moment she walks out the door. The main problem is that the safe house is boring. They have an internet connection and a TV linked to a streaming service, but there’s no phones or social media allowed.

The six of them are able to distract themselves for a little while, but three days later they’re bored. They’ve exhausted all their options. There’s nothing left to do but break out of the safe house, even if it is surrounded by some of the best agents in the country.

“This is a bad idea,” Poe whispers as they’re all creeping out of the backdoor.

“Do you have a better one?” Finn waves a hand and beckons them out of the door.

“I think we should have gone with the tunnel,” Jess comments.

“Exactly,” Poe says triumphantly.

“If you lot don’t shut it, we’re going to get caught.” Kare hisses from her post a look-out by the car they’re attempting to commandeer.

“I think there’s a lot more to getting caught than that,” Another voice whispers and it’s one that Jess recognises.

She whirls around to face the owner of the voice. And there she is, with a laugh ready on her face, Rey is stood at the edge of their little escape party. Jess can’t help herself, she runs and throws herself into Rey’s arms. She can hear disgruntled muttering from the others.

“I thought we were escaping,” Rey says as she lets Jess down again.

“Fat lot of use that is now,” Snap grumbles.

Rey chuckles with Jess still clinging to her, “I’m not going to stop you,”

“Did you get him then?” 

“Only just, but yes,” Jess’ heart lifts, “I got him.”

There are whoops from the group which bring the agents they were trying to avoid running to their location.

“Where do you lot think you’re going?” An agent asks, shepherding them back into the house.

“We’re going home,” Poe shifts the strap of the bag he is carrying.

“Sorry, Sir, but we can’t let you do that,” The agent gives a sympathetic smile. If Jess didn’t know that they  _ are _ going home, she would be tempted to punch the smile of the damn agents face.

She’s been cooped up too long. Sure, it’s only been a few days, but it feels like months since she saw any faces other than the current ones around her. She’s dying for her bed, her own clothes, even the smell of laundry detergent.

“It’s alright, they’ve got permission to leave,” Rey assures the agent. He hesitates for a moment and then disappears outside calling for the rest of the security team.

“How soon do we get to leave?” Snap asks gazing longingly at the door.

“As soon as we can get some cars to pick us up,” Rey promises.

“Thank kriff, I want my own bed and pillow,” Iolo groans.

Jess chuckles at her friends. The safe house has been an experience, one that Jess would be happy never to repeat. 

It takes about half an hour for the cars to arrive. There are only two this time, one for the seven of them and the other for the agents. Jess secretly hopes that the driver gets lost and takes them the long way home, perhaps through the middle of the desert.

Once they’re all at their individual homes, safe and content with their little fragments of normality, Jess feels surprisingly alone. Rey had left to go back to her own home, leaving Jess to sit with her thoughts. She’s not sure when her life changed so irrevocably but it has and now she has to contend with it.

It’s not easy at first. Dating a ex-spy has a lot of peculiarities that Jess spends most of her time amused at. She’s gets used to most of them though. 

Thankfully she never has to go to a safe house again, nor does she have to climb out of a backdoor window. She learns how to use a gun though, and how to avoid most of the city’s traffic cameras. Those are skills she doesn’t use very often, but it’s nice to know that she has them if she needs them - and she won’t hesitate to use them if her loved ones are in danger.

The one thing Jess never quite gets used to is waking up next to Rey. Somehow she manages to be one of those lucky people that gets to spend their days with the love of their life. And Jess wouldn’t change that for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please direct any incoherent screaming to my tumblr @[willsdarcy ](https://willsdarcy.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Two will be up asap! It's all edited and ready to go. Thanks for reading!


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